City Love

I’ve spent most of my life trying to balance these dueling scenarios in my head. On one hand, I saw myself in a total Friday Night Lights scenario…marrying a good guy like Coach Taylor and being known and loved by all the townspeople. Ha. Because that’s what I knew and that’s how I grew up. But I’ve always had larger-than-life dreams and a larger part of me really craved something bigger. I saw myself living the fact-paced city life through Hollywood scenarios and being swept off my feet by a John Mayer type character. (I know how insane this sounds, but I actually think in these kinds of scenarios.) Do you remember the scene in Beauty and the Beast where she is singing in the field after rejecting Gaston’s proposal? That is a song and a scene that I have related to since I was a kid.

“I want adventure in the great wide somewhere…I want it more than I can tell. And for once it might be grand, to have someone understand…I want so much more than they’ve got planned.”

As juvenile as it might sound, these are words that stuck with me and I found myself waving them like a banner just knowing that God had more in store for me. I have never been one to settle…probably to a fault! So I moved cross-country with my best pal and started a life in New York City. I worked for the company I dreamed about in an industry that had seemed untouchable. I lived it up and I made mistakes. I had the time of my life! We conquered the city in style.

I have love, love, loved the life this city has offered me. The friends I’ve made and the lessons I’ve learned are immeasurable and I have zero regrets. But I’m choosing to swallow my pride and pay attention to what the Lord might have planned for me. So I’m going to “turn and face the strange ch ch changes”. At the end of the adventure, sometimes you just want to be near the ones you love – and for me, that means getting back to my roots in Texas. I’m deeply going to miss the rat-race; using planes, trains and automobiles just to get out of the city; random celebrity sightings while waiting in line at Starbucks; interesting people all around; Central Park in the summer. But all these little holes will be filled with finally getting to see one of my nephew’s soccer games; spontaneous dinners with family; weekends out with my best friends and getting to be involved as their lives change as well.

So there’s sadness and there’s excitement…both shoes fit and I’m taking a different route than I planned. I guess that will teach me to plan! But I am who I am, and if you think I’ve given up my dreams of traveling the world and being a fulltime groupie, you’ve got a lot to learn. Here’s to the Big Apple and to big dreams and fresh starts.

In the theme of nostalgia and sadness, these songs are so New York it’s going to ache to hear them anywhere else.

Many The Miles – Sara Bareilles (her entire Little Voice cd, actually)
Buildings & Mountains – The Republic Tigers
It’s About Time – Barcelona
Young Folks – Peter Bjorn
Strawberry Swing – Coldplay
City Love – John Mayer
Detroit – Black Gold
Won’t Stop – OneRepublic

“I tell everyone, I smile just because I’ve got a city love…and I can’t remember life before her name.” JM